From NOW on, I’m gonna stop looking back and starting moving on.
I kept on looking back because I feel I am stuck at this point of my life & I don’t have confidence to face the future.
I need recognition.
Don’t put your opinions of what you think on me.
Forget the regrets, and start planning ahead.
I will get what I want. I am not a loser. You will see.
It will be a long journey i know…
for this have been staying in a hidden corner of my heart for years.
not until today i try to dig it out and look into it.
thanks Dad – you are always my light when I feel lost….
Probably I should consider the idea of seeking spiritual help from God at this point of my life.
yea I will do it!
well. time for updates!
life have been so busy these days that rarely have time to reflect on myself. it seems to me that i am occupied by SOMETHING at all times, but it’s like something i can’t tell exactly what it is; its not just about schoolwork. can i just do nothing right now but just meditate? anyways.
i have been enjoying my last semester. i like the courses i am taking. i like the new friends i am meeting and they are really lovely i have to say. and i find a new ME. throughout these years i have been changing a lot – my flow of thoughts are fluctuating all the time, negatively and positively. i admitted that i have been wasting a lot of time in self-accusation, or sometimes even accuse others for my own distress (which is so mean.) i prefer staying alone all times since i don’t wanna get involved/touch/hear about the ‘sensitive’ side of me. the reason is that i cant accept the reality. i seek for perfectionism. BUT now, i am trying to appreciate things happening around me (trying hard not to make comparison which is really hard for me). I like to stay with friends, share my mo liu stories…what i realize is, the day would be better even something bad happened. so why so serious?
and i bet ten years from now what distress you now will be nothing more than a joke. HA-HA
kind of 心癢癢 when I am reading about expedition programs just now; i would say it is going to be my dream job IF i can spend my entire life working with the environment, or at least get myself partially involved, not wholly. maybe i can work for it as my part-time? 珠峰 GOSH. couldn’t i be one of those secondary students? omggg :OOOO
but it has been a critical year. i always found it hard to strike a balance between what I wanna do & what the society expects me to be doing. that’s why i always say creativity of human kinds living in urban blocks are being limited. what we see everyday are CONCRETE WALLS.
what I am thinking is 不要讓環境局限自己. here’s not a dead city at all. mountains make up most of HK. at least its too costy to flatten mountains, so i thought people in hk won’t be considering it as an option to get more land for buildings. i think i quite like the idea of the new buddy i met ytd – persist in hiking up to the peak three times a week; she’s the real ACTOR :OO
a very random one again. a good place for procrastination :S
shit i got classs at 1230. what’s the point of waking up at 730 then -__-
oh well. my mind is kinda in a mess right now so lets do this in point-form
1. SPRING IN THE AIR – it reminds me of the time we were studying for A-level – for no reason
2. GOT UP AT 6PM – i don’t know where I am by the time I wake up, did I skip lunch and breakfast?
3. JANUARY is a busy month – after being away from Hong Kong for 1/2 months, I have to pay back. application deadlines end in latter this month, Chinese new year on its way, and gatherings (i feel like less motivated in some sorts of gatherings so I’d better choose the one I would love to go)
sometimes i just found i couldn’t express myself well enough.
i know this is one of my weakness since im small and i can’t see the reason.
and i understand why people find it hard to understand me well since communication is the very basic step to learn about someone
in fact i have lots to share but for most of the time i prefer using words
you are lucky to be here because you see the sentimental side of me.